In the Flesh
by CynicalSarah
Summary: Sometimes the reality is better than the fantasy. Alex and Bobby.


In the Flesh

By CynicalSarah

It was one of those mornings in which everything went well; Alex had woken twenty minutes before her alarm clock feeling warm and rested an unusual occurrence for a woman who routinely hit the sleep button for fifteen minutes more of sleep. After indulging herself by lying cocooned in her bedspread and enjoying the peacefulness of the morning she slid out of bed, threw on her robe and went to look out her bedroom window.

Sometime during the evening the light dusting of snow predicted by the weather man had developed into two feet of white powder blanketing the city. New York, always so busy and bustling at any hour of the day was now muted and calm. Alex sighed, thinking about the day ahead. It was Sunday her day off and unless Bobby called with an unexpected case she would be catching up on her errands.

Stretching her shoulder muscles to relieve strain she thought ruefully that her aches must be a sign of old age. After a quick shower and a change of clothes Alex emerged out from her apartment building ready to tackle her to do list.

In a city like New York it was practical to walk rather than drive and Alex choose to abide by this even in the snowy weather. Her first stop was the dry cleaners to pick up her suits for the coming work week.

3 o'clock found Alex finished with her chores, aimlessly wandering the city with no definite goal in sight. The city was beautiful like the clean white snow covering the cruel truth of the city; truth which Alex was quite familiar with. Years of police work had left Alex with a healthy dose of cynicism and the death of her husband had only added to it.

Her life had been relatively uneventful since Mathews passing consisting mostly of work and an occasional dinner with her sister or a friend. It was a quite life, but one that Alex held dear.

The only disturbance had been when, the previous year, her sister and her sister's husband had approached her to act as a surrogate and carry their child for them.

The decision was not easily arrived at. Alex had struggled over it for weeks before agreeing. There had been many factors to consider, not the least of which would be the effect that it would have on her position at work. She would no longer be able to work side by side Bobby as she had for four years. No, she would be constrained to a desk for months and Bobby would be assigned a new partner. Granted it would be a temporary situation, Deakins having no intention of breaking up his golden team.

But Alex had been wary of the effect that her pregnancy would have on her personal relationship with her partner. Bobby was a unique man incredibly intelligent and hyper aware of the thoughts and actions of those around him. Yet he shut himself off from others, partly as a defense mechanism to prevent the eventual pain when they left. It had took the better of two years for their partnership at work to extend to what Alex would comfortably call a friendship; Bobby opening up enough to share his frustration over a case without the worry that she would ask for reassignment.

His support during her surrogacy was welcome and completely like the sensitive man that Alex knew him to be. Even so Alex experienced anxiety for her place in Bobby's life as he grew more comfortable working with her temporary replacement. She knew that she should be proud that he was so open to working with another; she might even take it as a compliment as Bobby's track record prior to their partnership was less than stellar. But the upheaval she experienced in her personal life as her body changed, her moods fluctuated and her nephew grew inside her was compounded when her anchor, her work began to shift.

It was only after she delivered, after Bobby visited to check on her and give her an update on his current case that she began to understand that the change was not work or Bobby, the change was within her. What she had perceived as a fear that she would loose Bobby as a friend was actually a fear that she would loose Bobby. Somewhere along the line, in between the cases and over the late lunches she had fallen in love with Bobby.

It was not that unexpected when you thought in over. He is a handsome, intelligent man who cared deeply and had strong morals. He was focused, loyal and constantly surprising Alex with his ability to see what others are blind to. She had known for year that she loved him as a friend and had only recently acknowledged that her love was more intimate.

She returned to work full time a little uneasy over how she would handle herself around Bobby. He was wonderful to her, attributing any unusual behavior on her part to her adjustment from pregnancy back to a single woman. Alex couldn't deny that she had used this to her advantage, allowing Bobby to assume her wariness was due to being a surrogate rather than a reaction to his presence.

Alex had developed an active imagination to cope with her new feelings. She often felt like she was leading a double life. One in which she interacted professionally with Detective Goren at work, the other a less formal setting when she came home to him. What had initially started as a comforting presence in her home helping her to feel less lonely without a baby had morphed into a full fledged relationship-a relationship which Bobby knew nothing of.

She fantasized about cozy dinners eaten while curled up on the couch reclining against Bobby as he switched the channel to yet another history program; herself basking in her love for him, content just to be close. Eventually he would tire of the television and would turn his attention to her. He would start with a couple kisses on the top of her head as she dosed in front of him, Waking her gently as he worked his way down to the juncture where her neck met her shoulder a spot that he knew would make her catch her breath. Turning her gently in his arms so that she was facing his chest, he would hunch down in that way of his to bring his face close to hers his love for her apparent on his face. His hands, which had stayed rather innocent up until now would start to travel up and down her body, massaging her shoulders, breasts and stomach. He would suddenly swing her up into his arms and carry her to their bedroom.

She would wake up mornings so content in her dream world that it would take moments for her to realize that Bobby was not going to exit her bathroom with a towel around his waist, water dripping from his tousled hair down his chest.

The images of the two of them were so clear in her head that she would often find herself behaving towards him in life as she would in a dream; a careless touch here, a secret smile there. Bobby had yet to comment on her actions but she knew that she was treading in dangerous territory. One of these days she would slip and her secret would be out.

Frustrated with her thought and determined not to head back to her apartment where inevitably Bobby would be waiting Alex headed towards the precinct house. While the idea of wasting a wonderful Sunday afternoon catching up on paper work was depressing indulging the phantom in her mind skimmed a little too close to the edge of sanity for her comfort.

The office building was empty, the desks strangely eerie without their occupants. Alex seated herself in her chair and was soon immersed in typing up her reports.

"Trying to out do me?" questioned a disembodied male voice from the desk behind her.

"Bobby!" Alex said, slightly breathless as she turned in her chair to see her partner leaning casually against a desk, not quite sitting atop. He smiled that boyish smile she claimed as hers, the one that always appeared when she was caught of guard and referred to him so informally at work. It was the smile that fed a thousand wishes that he might hold the same affection for her.

"What are you doing here today?" she questioned when it appeared that he would be content just to stay there smiling at her.

"Mom had a good day today," he stated in response.

Instantly Alex was flooded with that combination of pride, sympathy and understanding she always felt when she thought of Bobby's dedication to her mother, "I am glad."

Straightening up from the desk, Bobby squeezed her shoulder in thanks as he moved around their joined desks to sit across from Alex. "I thought I would celebrate by getting a head start on my paper work," he paused. "Looks like I am not alone," he finished questionly.

Smiling slightly Alex shook her head thinking of what awaited her at home. "I just didn't want to go home to an empty apartment." Because that is what it would be, no matter how many scenarios her mind created Bobby wouldn't be there.

"Are you going to stay for a while?" Bobby's question breaking through her thoughts.

"Yeah, I don't have anything better to do" Which was true. What could be better than sharing her time with Bobby, watching as he furrowed his brow in concentration and fidgeted restlessly when his thoughts didn't align properly. Yes she would stay this evening, sitting silently across from her partner working diligently to tie up their cases from last week. Because no matter how much Alex enjoyed the Bobby she went home to each evening she loved the man sitting across from her and would always choose him above all others.

The End

Author's Note:

This is my first attempt a writing a fan fiction story. I hope that you enjoyed my venture into the world of Law and Order. The was no mal intent meant in the use of these characters, none of which belongs to me.

I would appreciate reviews and comments.

Thank you,

CynicalSarah


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